I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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