just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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