We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
God, I missed his penis.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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