it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
