Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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