Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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