There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
