Are we in a gay sports bar?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
