i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
