How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
