my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
