my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I CAN MOONWALK!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
