so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Welp...herpes.
a search helicopter?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
