Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
