I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
