she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
