The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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