Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
