Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
