Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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