Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
