I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
