best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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