Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
