stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
