I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
