You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
