Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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