You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
