matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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