just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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