i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
