My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
