If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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