marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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