This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
