Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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