i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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