So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
