he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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