also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
