My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
