theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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