Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
