I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
