meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
