got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
