Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
