I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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