Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
