Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
