Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think my moral compass just broke
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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