dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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