I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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