it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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